


I Hate Birds

by LumaBoop



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Cock-Blocking, Fluff, Humor, M/M, and no not hyper cock, hyper Leonardo, hyper energy leonardo, softcore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-29
Updated: 2012-07-29
Packaged: 2017-11-11 00:44:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumaBoop/pseuds/LumaBoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezio hates birds, especially eagles. And especially cock-blocking eagles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate Birds

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a joke between friends a long time ago out of a fondness of the idea of an annoying cock-blocking animal.

  


\-----------------------------  
Ezio disliked birds, especially eagles. It wasn’t that he hated him, but they annoyed him horribly. Perhaps it was the way they always seemed to glide faster and higher than he ever could. Was it their everlasting freedom from the chains of the world that grated his nerves? Or maybe it was due to their piercing golden eyes, so much like his own, that appeared to see anything and everything, even the soul. Whatever the reason, the Italian assassin simply could do without the flying creatures (pity to the pigeons carriers that had to deal with his wrath).

  
As if to add onto his pet peeve, Ezio had just about enough of eagles  **this**  particular day. He’d slipped on several eagle’s nest on the rooftops while gathering feathers. Two of the viewpoints had nests with VERY protective mothers which attacked him all the way down to the haystack he’d jumped into, effectively giving away his cover. And an eagle ate one of the pigeon carriers meant to send a message to Antonio, causing confusion that only a LONG trip to his district could dissolve.  
  
Ezio has HAD it with eagles.  
  
“Isn’t he amazing?! So beautiful and regal. Oh I could study him for hours.”  
  
But wouldn’t you know it that on the very evening Ezio wished to spent some much needed time with Leonardo, he was greeted with the strong ‘KWAK’ of a caged eagle. It was all he could do from snarling at the bird, but reframed, knowing that Leonardo’s chirpy demeanor would diminish. He forced a smile at his dear lover, walking over to where the cage was perched next to his fireplace.  
  
“And… where did you acquire him from?”  
  
“Mmm? Oh! You wouldn’t believe it, but I found the poor creature lying on the docks, trying to fly. I brought it back to my workshop to have a look at him, and come to find out, its wing was fractured. I was torn between simply ending the creature’s life to end its misery and have a study project at the same time, and nursing him back to health so that I might observe him in his natural habitat.”  
  
Sending a secret glare the bird’s way, which the bird returned tenfold, Ezio scoffed under his breath. “And what compelled you to go with the latter? Your specialty lies with human anatomy, not animals.”  
  
“Aaah but that is where you’re wrong my friend. I LOVE animals, especially horses. I love studying their bone and muscle structure, but where you are right; I have little experience with bird anatomy. However, I’m sure that the eagle wing is not much different from the bat, or even human, arm when bent in a certain way…”  
  
As Leonardo started on one of his long tangents on the biological similarities between birds and humans, Ezio and the eagle were busy having the most epic glaring contest in Italy. While Ezio desired to simply kick the cage out onto the streets and molest Leonardo so crazily that he’d forget about the creature, the eagle could sense Ezio’s hatred and effectively started to think of ways to peck the man’s eyes out once he found a way to get out of the cage.  
  
The battle lines were drawn.  
  
“And THAT, Ezio, is why I believe I can nurse the eagle back to health in a time span of around three weeks… Ezio were you listening to me?”  
  
“Mmmm? Oh yes… yes I was listening. Three weeks.”  
  
Shaking his head with a tender laugh, Leonardo moved over to the bird cage, stroking the creature head, who gave an affection chirp. “He’s a gorgeous specimen. It’d be a shame for the world to lose him. I’ll do my best to take care of him and release him. Perhaps I’ll tag him and every time you see him, Ezio, you could make note of where he was and what he was doing.”  
  
“I’d rather  **not**.” Ezio spoke before thinking; he wanted NOTHING to do with that bird after it was released. In fact, it would be in the eagle’s best interest to stay far away from him.  
  
By the look in the eagle’s eyes, the feeling was mutual.  
  
“What? Why not?”  
  
Thinking quickly, Ezio smiled comfortingly towards his beneficial friend, sliding a hand upon his shoulders. “While out on missions, it wouldn’t be practical of me to also keep track of birds in the sky. You have an observatory on your roof, Leonardo. I’m sure you could try and keep track from there.”  
  
The artisan sighed heavily from the excuse, disappointed, yet not deterred. “Yes… I suppose I could try and look out for Altair with my scope.”  
  
“…what was that?” Ezio murmured under his breath, as if holding back more than a threatening tone of voice.  
  
“Oh!” Leonardo perked up yet again, looking back to the supposedly named raptor. “I named him Altair. It’s Arabic for ‘eagle’ and I thought it fitting to name him as such. Don’t you think so?”  
  
 _NO_  was the first instinctual response, but after taking a deep breath, Ezio forced himself to melt under Leonardo's enthusiasm over the cleverness of the name, simply nodding his head. Sneaking a feral glare over to the eagle as soon as Leonardo turned his back, it burned his ass even more to see ‘Altair’ rather pleased with himself.  
  
“Kwek~”  
  
“You win this round, you fucking bird…”  
  
\------------------------------  
  
“Ezio… mmmm you’re so rough tonight.”  
  
“You bring it out of my,  _caro_.”  
  
The artisan arched his back, holding fast to the headboard as his body quivered under his lover’s touch, rear flushed against Ezio’s still clothe crotch. All but their breeches and shirts lay scattered about the room. Ezio had his precious blonde pinned underneath his taunt body as Leonardo held on frantically to the wooden head of the bed, kneeing digging into the pillows. “Y-you know this position makes me… a-ah,  _dio_ …!”  
  
“I know,  _amore_ ,” Hummed the assassin as he rolled his hips into his whimpering partner. “I simply love making your squirm.”  
  
Ezio practically hassled Leonardo upstairs for the night after succeeding in the trying task of prying the blonde’s attention from Altair. He hadn’t spent the night with his beloved in near three weeks, a time span to which the assassin longed to make up for tonight. Searching between the man’s heated thighs, Leonardo groaned shamelessly as a confident hand squeezed and stroked at his confined length, his legs quivering in their efforts to stay upright.  
  
“Ezio please…”  
  
“Mmm? What was that,  _amore_? Something you wanted?”  
  
“D-don’t tease me like this.”  
  
Ezio’s rested his chest against that of his lover’s back, rolling yet another grind into him. Leonardo’s head snapped back, sweat-moist hair brushing against the assassin’s face. “Ezio! I can no longer wait for it…”  
  
“Wait no longer for what?” came the playful reply, grind after grind sending violent shudders about the poor blonde’s sex-deprived body.  
  
“You know what for… n-now please Ezio…”  
  
“You must be specific, love.”  
  
The younger’s husky, cocky undertone raddled within Leonardo’s hazy head, letting out a staggering breath of pure lust. Ezio chuckled deviously against his ear, continuing to torturing his beloved. “Tell me what you want, Leonardo.”  
  
“I-i…” a sharp intact of breath. “I want you… deep… d-deep inside me.”  
  
“Then I shall.”  
  
Panting heavily in anticipating of Ezio’s pulsing cock inside of him, Leonardo moaned in disappointment and increased arousal as one, two, three fingers entered him after his breeches were pulled down to his knees. He wiggled and squirmed under Ezio’s practiced touch, his hips curling against the man’s rough, calloused –yet wet- fingers. This was wonderful, yet definitely not what he wished for.  
  
“N-not that!”  
  
“But you are responding so well.  **Surely**  this is what you meant.”  
  
“Y-you are horrible to me. O-oh,  _cazzo_!”  
  
Continuing to feign innocence, Ezio slowly drew his fingers from his lover’s quivering anus, opting to simply play outside the puckered entrance with his middle finger. “Then you must be specific in what you wish for,  _caro mio_.” His middle finger poked in and out of the man, fingernail gently scrapping Leonardo's insides, causing the artisan to cry desperately.  
  
“Ezio… please! Thrust your cock inside me! Shove it in! I need to feel your pulsing _pene_!”  
  
“That’s  **much**  more specific than before. That I can also do.”  
  
The teasing touches eased from Leonardo’s body, much to the artisan’s dismay and contentment. Eager for what he truly desired, he looked over his shoulder, mouth a gap longing as Ezio positioned himself, pulsing head poking and tracing his pink sucker.  
  
“Yes… finally.”  
  
“Here we g—”  
  
“KWAAK!”  
  
The loud echoing screech from downstairs startled the two men sexless. The trance Ezio worked so hard to put Leonardo in was instantly washed away, the man wiggling from his grip to slide to the edge of the bed.  
  
“Altair! Oh, something must be wrong.” Sliding his pants back on, he stumbled out of the room, the padding of his descending footsteps heard on the wooden stairs.  
  
 _Fucking bird…_  
  
\-------------------------  
  
Altair and Ezio split Leonardo’s attention during those two long weeks, and even then, Ezio could hardly squeeze between both Leonardo’s commissions and Altair, who was now free to roam about his workshop in order to practice using his healing wing. The first two days of Altair’s freedom was a birdy hell, which included the repetitive pecking and clawing at Ezio’s head and face whenever he entered the workshop, as well as pooping DIRECTLY onto his head from the rafters whenever he’d get within a foot of Leonardo.  
  
After the first two days, Leonardo restricted Altair from his bedroom at night, feeling sorry for the assassin, but even then, Leonardo spoiled Altair and allowed the bird inside after their loving making. Altair robed Ezio of his sleep, chirping and glaring at him from the bedroom’s rafters as if he were an intruder. While Leonard oeasily slept through the chirpy, probably finding it soothing, it was more than the assassin could bear, yet he didn’t have the heart to tell Leonardo to stop babying his precious eagle.  
  
Even though he positively LOATH the creature. It was wedging itself between what little time he could spend with his precious artisan.  
  
However, everything seemed to finally simmer down two weeks after Altair made residence in Leonardo’s workshop. He’d had successfully healed the bird and planned to release it sometime during the night. Sadly, he wrapped an adornment around Altair’s ankle (which happened to be cloth the same shade of red as Ezio’s sash) before taking him up to his roof. The assassin followed, conflicted about the bird’s release.  
  
Nothing made him happier than knowing this bird would be out of his life forever, but he knew that the bird was precious to Leonardo and brought a little bit of excitement into his, otherwise, work-filled schedule… even though, to Ezio, HE should be the only excitement in Leonardo’s life. Selfishly, yet truthfully, he thought that way.  
  
“Alright, Altair, time to go back to the blue where you belong,” The hurt in the artisan’s voice was horribly apparent and clawed at Ezio’s chest harder than the eagle’s talons ever could.  
  
With a heavy heart, Leonardo threw Altair skyward, and with a beautiful screech, the eagle opened its wings and flapped strongly into the night blackness. The red clothe billowed behind it, much like Ezio’s cape did in mid leap. The very thought caused Leonardo more bodily ache, his head hung down as he stroked his arm awkwardly. “So… he’s gone now…”  
  
“Leonardo…”  
  
“But that’s okay. Animals not breed for humanity need not be kept in bondage. But… he just reminded me so much like you…”  
  
Ezio froze in mid step, arms stilled from the enraging, yet flattering, comment.  
  
“H-how… did that bird remind you of me, if I might ask?” asked the assassin, voice surprisingly steady in contrast to his growing irritation.  
  
Leonardo chuckled, holding himself as he looked to the stars. “Well… Altair was very comical in how he treated you. As if he was jealous of you being so close to me. And, you, Ezio, are a very jealous man. Every action was dependent on your reactions upon me and… I just couldn’t help but enjoy his shenanigans. He was… you while you were away, and when you were here, Ezio, I had two of you.”  
  
“ _Amore..._ ” How could Ezio stay irritated over the sweet comparison? Enwrapping the blonde in his arms, he kissed his top of his hat-less head, nuzzling as well. “Well… who knows… maybe he’ll return here. You did fix him up and I hear eagles are rather smart creatures.”  
  
“Yes they are! They are brilliant animals. Most raptors are! In fact, they could…”  
  
Ezio only smiled as he listened to Leonardo go on a mirthful tangent about how much more reliable an eagle would be to a pigeon concerning carriers… but that was all he truly heard. Simply listening to him speak so enthusiastically about a topic most would care very little about brought Ezio peace… yet knowing the topic was on a creature probably miles away from here sobered his happiness.  
  
 _Even away from here, you still manage to slightly irritate me… but now, it’s because I kinda miss you, you damn bird._  
  
\-------------------  
  
“KWEK!”  
  
“W-what?”  
  
Sitting up on his bed, Ezio slid from his guest bed in his uncle’s Villa and shuffled over to the window half-consciously. It couldn’t be… it just couldn’t! But there Altair was, perched upon the window balcony, with a note tied around his other leg. Opening the window, the eagle surprised Ezio by perching calmly upon the window framed, cooing at him as if expecting something.  
  
Carefully, Ezio took the note from his leg, scoffing in amazement when the bird neither screeched nor pecked at him. It was as if it was a completely different eagle. Eye balling the seemingly reformed Altair, Ezio unraveled the note, having a clue to its sender.  
  
 _ **Amore mio,  
  
Look! I trained him to send messages. Isn’t this exciting?! This means that not only do I have a little piece of you around when you’re gone, but you’re never out of reach. I trained Altair to pick up your trail using the cloth around his leg as a tracer. If you want Altair to find you at any time, just wear extra red and he’ll come!  
  
And unlike a pigeon, he won’t get eaten. See, useful!  
  
Missing you already,  
Leonardo da Vinci**_  
  
Peering over the message at the, still docile, bird, the assassin smiled and stroked its head, the eagle cooing again. “Then a truce it is, my friend.”  
  
Birds irritated him, but eagles were now tolerable.

**Author's Note:**

> Written April 3rd 2010  
> Re-posted to AO3


End file.
